The Loss

The miscarriage was harder than I ever thought, it occurred January 19th around 1:30 pm. I tried to mentally prepare for it, however, it was not enough. I am still dealing with the loss, the fact that our baby isn’t happening right now, and trying to maintain positive for the next steps. It was very hard to reorganize our home and turn the nursery back into the office. The hardest thing is when my husband said that he prefers leaving the room as a waiting nursery than as his office.

I know we will get through this.

The Day Has Arrived For the Ultrasound

Screen Shot 2019-02-04 at 6.40.16 PM

It was January 15th!!!!!!! I was nervous and excited to see how our baby was doing. It was the day we were going to see the baby and possibly hear the heartbeat. I have calculated using some websites and we were approximately 7 weeks and 3 days and making the due date August 31st, 2019. According to The Bump app, our baby is the size of a blueberry this week. 2:30 rolled around and we were at the office, the doctor was running late, but it was perfectly fine. Once the doctor arrived, they placed us in the room for the ultrasound, the doctor walked into the office to begin.

As you can imagine, we were all excited and she congratulated us on our pregnancy. She began the ultrasound. I do not think I was breathing out of excitement. Once the monitor unfroze, she said, “Something does not seem right”. As you can imagine my heart sank when I heard these words. She then continued with, “The baby seems smaller than it should be”. She measures it and says, “It seems as though the baby stop growing last week (week 6)”. I did not know what to say or how to take it, the only words I could say were, “Maybe we calculated it wrong.” My husband reacted quicker to the news than I did. The moment she discontinued the ultrasound, we started to explain the miscarriage processes to us and turned on the lights. That is when the news really hit me and I placed my face into the palms of my hands. All of a sudden, I flashed back to the movie UP when Ellie and Carl were at the doctor visit, which I then looked at my husband and said, “Sometimes I feel like our life is just like the movie UP”. The doctor continued to give us the instructions, such as discontinuing all hormone treatment, and what our next steps are, such as blood test that we should get done. It just happens that we had one last test we have not had done, a chromosome analysis.

Now we have to wait for the miscarriage to start and begin to heal from this loss.

Screen Shot 2019-02-04 at 6.33.02 PM

Thyroid Level Results

On January 7th I received a call in regards to the thyroid levels and they were high. Of course, I googled what causes an increase in thyroid levels and the effects on pregnancy. I immediately freaked out! I missed the call from the doctor’s office, therefore, I sent an email to the office since it was after hours. The next morning, I waited for them to get back to me. The nurse informed me that she sent the prescription and the pharmacy stated I would be able to get the medication in the afternoon. The pharmacist informed me that I was to begin taking it in the morning on an empty stomach and my prenatal vitamin was to now be taken in the afternoon. Therefore, I took the medication as instructed starting on January 9th. My other medications remained the same, including the dosage of my hormones. I was to come back on January 29th for another blood test to make sure that the medication was being effective.

The Wait & Results

Finally, December 24th was approaching. On December 23rd, we received a call about our appointment, it was canceled. The doctor’s office called on the 23rd canceling our appointment and asked us to call back on the 24th to reschedule it since the office will be open. I found that super strange that they would call and cancel our appointment, yet ask us to call on the 24th to reschedule. On December 24th my husband and I decided to show up and see what happens. When we got there they drew my blood and said that they may not get the results for a couple of days. At 2:02 pm, I received a call from “No Caller”. I usually screen my calls and had an internal battle of whether or not to answer. I decided to go ahead and answer and I was so happy I did. It was the call we were waiting for our beta test came back positive. WE ARE PREGNANT!!!! We were very excited, yet very scared because we had received this news in the past. The nurse asked us to go back on December 26th for another test to make sure my levels were doubling.

On December 26th, we went back and received a call around 2:30 stating that my levels were now at 196. We are so happy so see that everything was going well. We were instructed to come back on December 28th for our final beta test. On December 28th we went back and my levels were 455. At this appointment, they also drew blood to test my thyroid levels.  We were so happy to hear this news and it was hard to believe that this was happening to us.

Next step the ultrasound in two weeks, they did not have an appointment on January 11th. Our appointment was January 15th at 2:30!!

Cravings so far have been: banana chips, empanadas, burgers (especially from Shake Shack), and Shake Shack Cookies And Cream shakes.

Food aversion has been chicken.

Transfer Day

Finally transfer day was here, December 13th. I was surprisingly calm during the whole morning, I even decided to clean the whole house so I won’t have to worry about it. The transfer occurred at 12:15 pm and they had me come in with a full bladder. I actually over filled mine and had to go empty it out a bit. The whole transfer went by fairly quickly and we were provided a photo of our embryo at the end. I was to be on mandatory bed rest for the next 48 hours.

I did feel a bit of cramping and discomfort on the left side, however, it was manageable. Everything seemed to be going well, now the 10 day wait to see if it worked!

Progesterone Oil Injection Day 1

Today was Day 1 of my Progesterone oil injection. I was so terrified, I was on the edge. I warmed up the oil with my hands for a few minutes prior to extracting the oil from the vile, attached the extracting needle, 22 gauge. Funny story, I thought that was the needle I was supposed to use to inject myself, thank goodness that I clarified it with my Doctor’s office because that needle is HUGE. I continued the preparation process by switching the needle to the injection one which is an 18 gauge (much better) for the injection. My husband and I had a pretend test run yesterday morning to make both of us feel a bit more comfortable with this entire process, that is now part of our morning routine. We decided that laying down on the bed would be easier for us. So I moved all the materials required to the bed and there it went. I have to say it wasn’t as bad as I imagined it. We both were waking up last night from our anxiety. I applied all the advice that I had received from fellow IVF warriors and nurses. I fell like the after effects, slight discomfort, is worse than the actual processes of the injection. I am proud to say is that my husband is a trooper. Although we were both very anxious He did a great job. Day 1 is done! We are one step closer to our miracle.

Moving On

This Thursday, December 6th I had our appointment to see the development of the lining and my progesterone levels. According to our voicemail message, WE ARE GOOD TO GO! Our transfer is next week. Now that we are ready to go my last Lupron injection was on today. Lupron was a pleasant injection, it did not burn, the injection needle was small. I think I actually might miss that injection. However, this now means that tomorrow is my first progesterone oil injection and I AM TERRIFIED. The needle is larger and I am asking my husband to administer the injection. We will see how tomorrow morning goes. Wish us luck!

Welcoming 33

On November 30th I turned 33. It was a bittersweet moment. Year 32 was incredible!!! I graduated from my master’s program, welcomed my niece, updated our home, working in a location that I love, and presented the National Convention for Speech-Language Convention. Although 32 was memorable, I can’t help but feel empty. Throughout the night, I found myself sitting alone and reflecting on my life thus far. My life has been great, I can’t complain. However, it has been challenging and I have had to overcome adversity. Now I face one of the largest adversities yet. Wishing for the best year yet.

What is going on?!?!?!

For the past few months, I have been someone I do not even know. I have always been somewhat spontaneous and like to change things around. However, I have been on the extreme end of the scale recently. It started with changing just about all the light fixtures and light bulbs in the house, followed by cleaning out all the closets. Now to the most recent changes have been in the master. We are getting new bedroom furniture and painting the interior walls of the house. Although I have no idea what is going on with me, I can’t help but like the changes that I am seeing. It has been a lot of work for my husband and I, as well as our family members; however, it is going to be worth it in the end. I can’t wait to show you before and after photos of the finished master bedroom and bath. I am obsessed!!!

Phase 2 Has Begun

On Sunday was the start of phase 2! As you can imagine, I was excited, anxious, and dreading for this day to arrive… and it finally did. I have to say I was expecting worse. I was expecting it to burn and hurt, but for it was completely the opposite. Today was day 2 and the only side effect I am feeling is nausea. I am not sure if it is the combination of the birth control and Lupron together or if it is Lupron alone. We will find out soon, Sunday is the last day of me taking the birth control pills. I am sure my husband is happy about that since those things make me crazy.